Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Betrayed by my twin

I had never trusted anyone after that incident, not even my parents and relatives.

That incident was the most unforgettable and I did not want to experience it ever again.

I had a twin brother in the same class. His name was Joe. That day, I was punished by my formteacher, Miss Lee. I had forgotten to hand in my homework and for punishment, I was told to stayback after school to clean the classroom. I could still remember the icy cold look that she gave me after she left. Her words replayed in my mind, again and again.

"Belinda, I want you to wipe the windows, clean the tables and chairs and mop the floor. I will be back in two o'clock and I want to see the classroom spick and span. If not, I will ask you to run around the field ten times!"

Then, she gave me her icy cold look and left.

I shuddered at the thought of running around the field. I glanced at the clock and realized that it would be two o'clock very soon. Immediately, I wiped the windows. Armed with a piece of rag and a bucket, I headed to the windows. There, I saw Joe in the field, playing soccer with his pals.

The air remained hot and humid despite the fact that the ceiling fans were whirring away furiously. I sighed.

"How nice it would be if I were to take a nice, long break! I would buy an ice-cream. No, no, a packet of potato chips." I thought to myself dreamily.

A loud crash interrupted my thoughts. I could not imagine what had happened when I heard the sound of glass shattering on the floor. I turned around and saw the window panes shattered to smithereens. Not far away was a soccer ball, still rolling on the floor. I gazed at the pieces in dismay. How on earth was I supposed to explain this? I stomped out of the classroom and to the field.

"What happened?"I demanded an explanation from Joe.

"I don't know, Sis! Honest!" Joe blurted out, but guilt was written all over his face.

At that fateful moment, I heard that Miss Lee's voice.

My eyebrows shot up, eyes widening in horror. I spun around, and to my shock, I was face-to-face with Miss Lee. She was so close that I could hear her breathing. Miss Lee shot a barrage of questions.

"Miss Belinda, why have you left the classroom? And why are the window panes smashed on the floor?"

"I... I... didn't do it!" I protested, but was quickly interjected by Joe.

"Miss Lee, Belinda did it. She was the one who broke the window panes," Joe said, feigning innocence.

Joe's pals nodded. By then, I was speechless. How could Joe do this to me?

"I... I... you... Miss Lee, I swear, I didn' tdo it!" I fumed, my face suffused with anger.

Miss Lee ignored me and ordered me to follow her to the general office. Hobson's choice, I followed Miss Lee.

"Damn that Joe!" I cursed silently, seething with indignation.

I felt hot tears welling up in my eyes, but I told myself not to cry. Nobody trusted me at all. Nobody. Life was never fair.

I overheard Miss Lee calling my parents. I, however, was prepared for the worst. Maybe, someday, I would take revenge. I would never, in my life, ever forgive Joe. Never!

Writer Ao Ming Yi, Belinda
P6-9

23 comments:

jh said...

Undaunted by the heavy downpour, he did his work quickly silently

PYB said...

erm.. jinhao, i think u put the sentence at the wrong place...

Alastair said...

Not bad, it's good.

valerie said...

I think her content is 16 and language is 16. She uses a lot of adjective and I can feel how she feel.

valerie said...

The content is 16 and language is 16. She uses o lot of adjective and I can see how she feel.

Psyxhotic said...

I think it is good as u show your feelings in the story.There were some great words that made me imagine the background of the story.The story is good. I will give it a content of 16 and a language of 17.

Ng said...

Her content is 17 and language is 18 it is very good and if she has odered her words better it would be better.

Zhi Ying said...

I think that her content is 16 and her language is 17.I love this story, it is a beautiful composition!

Anonymous said...

There was a wide variety of vocabulary.Maybe the story should add a few more details.I would give it a 17 for content and an 18 for language. The content of the story was enough and the tenses were correct. There was a wide description of how angry the character felt when her twin betrayed her.

JunHeng said...

Her story is very good. I can feel her feelings and emotions. I will grade her content,18 and language,17.

Nur Atiqah said...

The composition is good. Putting in some suspense and climax can make the composition better.

Content:16
Language:18

There's a 'feeling' when I read this.

ken said...

Content:17 and the language:16 as the writer used a lot of adjective.It would be better if she used similies.

ken said...

Content:17 and the language:16 as the writer used a lot of adjective.It would be better if she used similies.

jotun said...

It is a very interestisg story.It can be improved by adding idioms.I will give a 17 for content.

Unknown said...

Its quite ok her vocabulary was very good. The story flowed well and smoothly. I will give the writer a A.

danish_handsome7 said...

the story is not bad,very good,i will give the writer an A

the GREAT max said...

Amazing compo! I wish I could write this kind of a compo...

super_hilmi said...

Content 17
Language 18
The writer uses good phrases and the composition has suspense to draw the reader's attention

super_hilmi said...

Content 17
Language 18
The writer uses good phrases and there is suspense to draw reader's attention

layshuen2010 said...

language:17
content:16
There are some typo errors

Fabian said...

The language is 15 and content is 16.The story is very well discribed.

Davis said...

content:19 out of 20
language:18 out 20
She uses a lot adjectives to describe things.

SFC_ziqing said...

her content is 16 and her language is 17.