Sunday, June 7, 2009

CW feedback - Haszirah's feedback

C 12 L 11

A simple story. Writer needs to be more vivid in her description. Readers are unable to see a clear picture of the developments of the story because of the plain description.

1. I pressed the break immediately.
2. I opened my eyes to do something.
3. Everyone who witnessed the accident gave me one kind of look.
4. I carried the boy into my car and his bicycle into the bonet.
5. had not abided to rules

4 comments:

Jia Hui said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Qian Wei said...

1. i pressed the brake immediately.
3. everyone who witnessed the accident gave me a kind of look.
4 i carried the boy into my car and his bicycle into the bonnet.
5. had not abide the rules

Shirley said...

1.I stepped on the brake immediately.
4.I carried the boy into my car and his bicycle into the bonnet.

Jia Hui said...

-stepped onto the break immediately.
-Everyone who witnessed the accident gave me a kind of look.
-I carried the boy into my car and his bicycle into the bonnet.
-Had not abided to rules