Wednesday, June 10, 2009

CW feedback - Debbie's writing

C 15 L 13

Ideas are good and adequately expanded. A good attempt. To better, writer needs to be more cautious in her grammar and to avoid ambiguity in content.

1. out of a sudden
2. saw the man took out
3. screamt as loud as possibe
4. freezed
5. All of us was
6. All the male patrons at the coffee shop ran and chase after the man, including my father.
7. suprised
8. did not thought
9. after 15 minutes
10. had learn

11 comments:

PYB said...

1. out of the blue/ all of the sudden
2. saw the man taking out
3. screamed as loud as possible
4. froze/frozen/freeze
5. all of us were
6. all the male patrons at the coffee shop,including my father , ran and chased after the man.
7. surprised
8. did not think
9. after fifteen minutes
10. had learnt

Haszirah said...

out of a sudden should be all of a sudden.

screamt as loud as possble should be replaced with screamed as loud as possible.

freezed should be froze.

all of us was should be all of us were.

suprised should be surprised.

did not thought of should be did not think.

after 15 minutes can be replaced with 15 minutes later.

had learn can be learnt.

AQJ said...

1. all of a sudden.
2. saw the man taking out
3. screamed as loud as possibe
4. froze
5. All of us were
6. My father,together with the other male patrons,who were at the coffee shop,ran and chased after the man.
7. surprised
8. did not think
9. fifteen minutes later
10. had learnt
By: AQJ

Jia Hui said...

-out of the blue
-saw the man taking out
-screamed asloud as possible
-surprised
-after fifteen minutes
-had learnt

Qian Wei said...

1. All of a sudden
2. Saw the man taking out...
3. Screamt(no such word) possibe is spelt possible
4. froze
5. all of us were
6. all the male patrons, including my father, at the coffee shop ran and chase after the man.
7. surprized/ surprised
8. did not think
9. after fifthtin minutes
10. had learnt

Qian Wei said...

9. fifteen spelt wrongly.

Anonymous said...

1. out of the blue
2. saw the man taking out
3. screamed as loud as possibe
4. froze
5. All of us were
6. All the male patrons, including my father at the coffee shop ran and chased after the man.
7. surrised
8. did not think
9. after fifteen minutes
10. had learnt

ilovechocolates said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jiayi said...

1,all of a sudden
2.saw the man taking out
3.screamed as loud as possible
4.froze
5.all of us were
6.all the male patrons in the shop, including my father,ran and chased after the man
7.surprised
8.did not think
9.after fiftheen minutes
10.had learnt

PYB said...

1. all of a sudden
3. screamed as loudly as possible

Xiao Qi said...

1. out of the blue/all of the sudden
2. saw the man take out
3. screamed as loudly as possible
4. freeze/froze/frozen
5. All of us were
6. all the patrons at the coffee shop,including my father,chased after the man
7. surprised
8. did not think
9. after fifteen minutes
10. had learnt