C 12 L 10
A mediocre piece. Content can be strengthened if points like how the cyclist lost control of the bike, how the accident took place and more specific details were given.
Writer also did not xplain why the casualty had to be hospitalised for about three to four months when he only sustained minor injuries.
1. heard a familiar voice called out
2. saw his uncle waving towards him
3. There was still alot of people
4. fear-strickened
5. Bob informed some of the relatives.
6. sweared
7. saw the ice-cream truck drove near
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4 comments:
' heard a familiar voice called out ' should be ' heard a familiar voice call out '. ' saw his uncle waving towards him ' should be ' saw his uncle wave out to him '. ' There was still alot of people ' should be ' Alot of people were still there '. ' fear-strickened ' should be ' fear-stricken '. ' Bob informed some of the relatives. ' should be ' Bob helped to inform some of his uncle's relatives. '. ' sweared ' should be 'swore'. ' saw the ice-cream truck drove near ' should be ' saw the ice cream truck drive near-by '.
Chia Yun Shan
1. heard a familiar voice call out
3. there was alot of people still.
4. fear stricken
5. Bob informed some of his/her reletives.
6. swore
7. saw the ice-cream truck driving near
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