C 14 L 13 Total 27/40
Hwee Hean never fails to impress me with his abundance of ideas and fluency in expressing them. This piece of narraction is evident of a budding writer. There are some missing loops that need to be filled in. Some ideas have become dead wood because they are not addressed in the later part of the story. A couple of spelling mistakes too.
Good Vocab
1. bracing himself
2. throaty and raspy voice
3. smiled sheepishly
4. gingerly wrapped
Mistakes
1. pespiring
2. only 45 cents
3. school bullys
4. convinence store
5. four metres away from the sight of the accident
6. cordorned off
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cordoned off
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