Monday, June 8, 2009

CW feedback - Edrick's writing

C 15 L 13

Story is rich and filled with actions. There are some points in the story which needs to be filled in with more elaboration.

1. He hopped onto the motorcycle he had parked nearby and started the engines.
2. Luckily, police was efficient and arrived in no time.

4 comments:

AQJ said...

1. Before starting the engines,
He hopped onto the motorcycle which he had parked nearby
2. The Police was efficient soon they arrived in no time.

Qian Wei said...

1. before starting the engines, he hopped onto his motorcycle he parked nearby.
2. Luckily, the police was efficent and arrived in no time.

Shirley said...

1.He started the engine and hopped onto the motorcycle he had parked nearby.
2.The police was efficient and arrived in no time.

Anonymous said...

1. He hopped onto the motorcycle which he had parked nearby and started the engines.
2. Luckily, police was efficient, so it arrived in no time.