C 13 L 13
Writer should take pains in writing his own introduction rather than copying it wholesale from the question. Be more mindful in the use of the correct tense especially in direct speeches. Good writing comes with careful editing.
1. As I was about to take a sip of your soup,
2. I thought to myself, "Should I shout that there was a thief?"
3. I shouted at the long of my voice.
4. Some teenagers and others came to join you in chasing the thief.
5. Just down, the sirens of the police came apporaching.
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5 comments:
just down is wrong.It should be just then.shout at the long of my voice is wrong.It should be shout at the top of my voice.
5.it should be approaching
4.Some teenagers and other people came to join me to catch the thief
1.As i was about to take a sip of the soup,
2. i thought to myself,"should i shout 'thief'?"
3. i shouted at the top of my voice
4. some teenagers and passers by came to join you in chasing the thief.
5. just then, the sirens of the police came apphoraching.
1. As I was about to take a sip of my soup,
2. I thought to myself, "Should I warn others that there was a thief?"
3. I shouted at the top of my voice.
4. Some teenagers and others came to join us in chasing the thief.
5. Just then, the sirens of the police cars wailing could be heard
1. As I was about to take a sip of my soup,...
2. I thought to myself, "Should I shout that there is a thief?"
3. I shouted at the top of my voice.
4. Some teenagers and other people came to help me chase the thief.
5. Just then, the sirens of the police came approaching.
-HuiXin
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